"No Forwarding Address" - A Short Story

"Help me! Please God help me!" she said as she ran frantically through the house looking for a way out "I need to get out of here! I need some air! I need to breathe in some life again!"

This was Polly, a distraught married woman in her thirties, finally realizing that after all her ambitions and dreams that she had had in the past she was to be just one more lonely housewife, a mother to 3 children, a wife to a cold and distant husband who no longer spoke to her, and a slave to her boring daily routine.

"What to do, what to do..." she said to herself as she cleaned the kitchen floor "Surely my life is worth more than being a maid to everyone and appreciated by nobody... I need to escape from all of this" She looked at the time and remembered that today was a shopping day. No, not a wonderful day to take time out to go shopping for something nice for herself; those shopping trips that she had enjoyed so much with her best friends years ago, the same friends that had now drifted away into happily married life, but no this was food shopping in one more busy supermarket full of clones of herself in dowdy comfortable clothes and faces without smiles.

"I used to have a career, I used to have a life, I used to be someone" she said to herself sadly, then upon remembering her children she felt guilty of having such selfish thoughts and continued mopping the floor.

But the thoughts won't stay away; however much she loved her children, however much she still loved her husband, despite his fondness for any woman that gives him a simple compliment, women that have come and gone over the years, those affairs that Polly had known about but kept everything quiet within herself, thinking that everything would maybe someday change and that he would magically become a better man, that he would see this wonderful girl that he met years ago and become a better husband. She finally accepted in her mind and heart that she had been day-dreaming all these years and that he will never change, she's simply invisible to him now.

"Enough, enough!" she said as she stopped what she was doing "My days are always the same, I am always here looking after the house, taking care of the children, alone in everything and I can't take it anymore!"

She went upstairs to the marital bedroom, the same bedroom where she had waited for years to be satisfied by her husband, to be pampered, loved and adored by him but to no avail, and started packing some clothes into an old dusty brown suitcase, a suitcase that was battered around the edges and showing the signs of life, not unlike herself. The same suitcase that was last used for a romantic weekend some six or seven years ago... "This is good, this is change, this is what I must do" she said as she started planning in her mind everything that she had always thought about doing on every single lonely night of her marriage.

She made some phone calls... none of them to her husband. She booked a plane ticket with her credit card, she phoned her mother and asked her to pick up the children from school and take care of them. She packed everything that had sentimental value into the suitcase, closed it up and left it by the front door. A taxi would be arriving in ten minutes...

Two nights later her husband arrived home and found her note on the kitchen table, together with her worn-down wedding ring:

"I've had enough, I need a life, I need love, I need to be held again and made to feel special, not someone who is special because they cook the dinner or clean the house but to be special because of who I am, who I really am, who I was and who I will be again once I get out of this ice-cold marriage... I want to feel as special as you made all those women feel who you slept with over the years. The children are with my mum, you have no commitments, as usual, so it shouldn't disrupt your life too much... It's time for me to put myself first. Yes, at first you will say that I am a lousy mother, a lousy wife, a good for nothing whore who abandoned you all, but after some months you will finally sit down and realize that you have been all those things for many, many years, it's just that you have been the acceptable male version of all those things. So good luck, you're going to need it big boy.... and maybe it's time for you to get a maid."

P.S: "Don't ask my mum where I have gone, she doesn't know... I've left no forwarding address" - Polly.

"With You I'll Grow Old" - Original Poetry By Me

My life was in pieces,
I was broken in two,
My mind was in tatters,
Didn't know what to do.

My life was a memory,
Fell in a black hole,
I felt just like nothing,
So I played out that role.

Then one day I met you,
You made my life shine,
You gave back my laughter,
And said you were mine.

I no longer have black days,
From now on they're all gold,
With you I am home,
And with you I'll grow old.

© 10/2008

"The Hope Of All My Tomorrow" - Original Poetry By Me

Standing on the sidelines,
Watching his life go by,
All those missed opportunities,
Just makes me wonder why?

Why sit and waste a lifetime?
Get out and live each day,
See the beauty of the world,
Smile and make your way.

Life is an action adventure,
With many ups and downs,
Filled with tears and laughter,
And sideways smirks and frowns.

So I'm busy writing my book of life,
There's no more time for sorrow,
I do it, I feel it, I say it,
And with the hope of all my tomorrow...
© 10/2008

George Michael - "The Long And Winding Road"

My absolute favourite singer/songwriter of all time:

George Michael singing Paul McCartney's "The Long And Winding Road", followed by "Faith", at the "Concert For Linda" (McCartney) tribute concert at London's Royal Albert Hall in 1999

Just listen to that perfect voice for the perfect song! And there's not many singers who can perform such a difficult song so pitch-perfect live! Outstanding!!

Brasil, Meu Brasil Brasileiro!

This year completes 10 years since I arrived, to live, here in Brasil.

When I think about this I simply cannot believe it as the years have gone by so fast! And when I look back and remember all the experiences and situations that I have gone through here in this wonderful, beautiful and amazing country I can see how much I really have changed, in fact looking at me 10 years ago seems like another person and in many ways it was another person.

I came here in 1998 without knowing a single word in Portuguêse (that's Brasil's language for anyone who doesn't know) but I knew instantly that I would settle in very well here and wanted to stay, however the road has been an uneven one as the language is a very difficult one to learn but I have succeeded.
In the beginning I would be in a shop or walking along the street and not understand a single thing that anybody was saying, I couldn't ask for things that I wanted and I couldn't express myself to anyone, which is a very frustrating thing to experience as you know exactly in your mind what you want to say in your own language but you can't open your mouth to speak English because nobody understands you! So most of the time you just keep quiet without any choice.
Some people are amazed at this and think that everybody must speak English here, but believe me it isn't the case... very few people speak English, only those that learn it in an English language school.
My friends and family in the U.K. used to say to me in the beginning "Ahh but people like waiters in restaurants and people that deal with the public must speak English there!" - not true! and my Dad, Sister, Aunt and Uncle were all surprised about this when they came here... to survive here you really must know some words or phrases in Portuguêse, even if you are travelling here for a 2 week holiday.

Now, 10 years later, I am a fluent speaker, I understand everything that I hear and read very well in Portuguêse too.
I have a permanent visa to work and live here as long as I choose to and in another 4 years I am able to apply for a Brazilian passport so that I can be dual-nationality, of which I am very excited about. Yes things have changed a lot for me!

When I set foot here I felt instantly that I "belonged", it's a weird feeling when obviously it's not my birth-country and I don't know how to explain it fully but I felt, and still feel, like I am really Brazilian...
Maybe I was Brazilian in a past life and my original country has been "calling me" until I finally arrived here, who knows?!
People here tell me that I am "very Brazilian", with Brazilian ways and not at all like an English guy! and a friend (that's you Isabella!) calls me "O Inglês Mais Carioca Do Mundo" which means: The English Guy Who Is More "Carioca" than any other in the world! - a "Carioca" is somebody who was born and lives in Rio de Janeiro, so for me to be told this is a great honour as you can visit many countries/cities in the world and never find people who are as friendly, outgoing, helpful, happy and hospitable like Cariocas are!! You would never, ever feel unwelcome should you ever visit Rio de Janeiro! I have never been to a place where foreigners are made to feel so welcome!

The first time my Sister visited me in Brasil (I had been living here for about 18 months) she said to me "You've changed" and I said "How have I changed?" to which she replied "I don't know... but you've changed, you seem very different" and at that time I remember thinking "My God is this a bad thing? have I changed for the worse?" but no I hadn't, I simply changed like everyone has to when you adapt to living in a very different country to your own. It's a completely different life and you simply couldn't survive without changing and adapting and you also get stronger as a person through all of this.
Not many people can adapt in this way, which also means giving up many things or customs that you were used to in your birth country, in fact I have seen quite a few people come to Brasil to live only to return to their country a couple of years later because they couldn't adapt or fit in.

My Father said something to me (when he visited here for the first time) that made me smile and look much closer at myself.
He said "I'm very proud of you! You've done something that I know I could never have done myself, you are a much stronger person than me" It was a strange feeling being told this from a parent that I have always looked up to in life, someone who, along with my Mum, taught me everything and prepared me for all of life's lessons.
I now understand myself much more than I used to...

I have been back to England a few times over the years for visits and every time I arrive there it doesn't feel like home anymore, I don't feel English and I don't feel like I belong there... or maybe I never did belong there...
And my Father always laughs at me because all the time I am there I feel so cold and wear lots of clothes, even when it has been Spring or Summer!
"Ahh put the central heating on Dad! It's freezing!!!!!!"

Yes I've changed... I'm stronger, happier, healthier, wiser... I love my life so much and I am more "awake" than I have ever been!
I love walking along the sand, swimming in the sea, feeling the sun on my skin, looking at nature all around me, knowing in my heart that I belong in this beautiful land... and I owe it all to Brasil, my country that lives eternally in my heart and soul!
Brasil! Meu Brasil brasileiro!

"Happy-Go-Lucky" - A New Mike Leigh Film

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am a huge Mike Leigh fan! I love everything that he does, from his various 1970's BBC "play's for today" of which "Abigail's Party" "Nuts In May" and "Grown-Ups" were true classics!, to the modern-day classic films that are "Secrets & Lies" "All Or Nothing" and "Vera Drake".

Here in Brasil British films rarely get released at the cinema and when they do they are often very delayed so I have my fantastic Dad that always sends me the films that I can't get here on Dvd from London.

So last month the postman arrived here with my most eagerly-awaited Dvd of the past few years! Mike Leigh's new film "Happy-Go-Lucky"

For anyone who hasn't yet seen it I suggest you drop everything now and try to get hold of it somehow! Very often many small independent films get lost amongst the hundreds of unneccesary Hollywood Blockbusters that are released every year and when one comes along that is as wonderful as "Happy-Go-Lucky" it is like a breath of fresh air!

Sally Hawkins plays Poppy, a North-London schoolteacher who shares a flat with her best friend Zoe. She is a steadfast optimist, always seeing everything on the bright side, laughing and joking her way through life with her vibrant personality and cheering the miserable people up with her happy disposition, helping anyone that comes into contact with her and always dressed in bright-coloured clothes that stand out against the grey backdrop of London. I think this is Mike Leigh's most lighthearted film to date, although (being a Mike Leigh film) as the film proceeds we see that there certainly are more layers to Poppy than the seemingly simple appearance we see at first. She gets hurt along with the rest of us in life and her optimistic approach seems to be a survival mechanism that we all need in some way or another... but no matter how much life tries to kick her in the teeth she still smiles back, but is she really happy?

An example of her positivity is at the beginning of the film she gets her bicycle stolen from outside a shop and instead of saying "Oh no, just my bad luck!" she says "Oh No! I never even got to say goodbye!" Another is when her friend Zoe says to her "You can't make everybody happy Poppy!" and she replies "There's no harm in trying though, is there?!"

So as her much-loved bicycle has "flown the nest now" she decides to start learning how to drive and books some driving lessons, and therein the fun starts: her banter between her driving instructor, Scott, who has some serious problems (actor Eddie Marsan) gives us some of the films funniest and also most powerful scenes.

This is a film with a truly huge heart, which has one more classic Mike Leigh character: Poppy, played by Sally Hawkins, who has already won the Silver Bear in Berlin for Best Actress 2008.... let's hope it is an indication of many more awards to come! Mike Leigh has to date also won Best Director Foreign Film at the Pula Film Festival and Bringer Of Joy Award for Most Enjoyable Film at the Norwegian International Film Festival 2008 for Happy-Go-Lucky. Fingers crossed for the Oscars 2009!

"Happy-Go-Lucky" - Funny, Sad, Hilarious, Heartbreaking, Poignant, Sensitive, Sensationally British - Classic Mike Leigh!!

See it now!!! I guarantee that you will come away from the film smiling!